Parenting Tips – Bits & Pieces

Being a Good Dad

Hi everyone

It’s been a while since I’ve posted – a busy couple of months. In this post I have a guest writer, namely my gorgeous husband and great all round guy, Geoff. We were asked to contribute to our Church’s blog for parents and below is what Geoff wrote about what he has learnt in being a good dad. I hope you enjoy it.

Guilty if you don’t – Inadequate if you do?

A few years ago my wife Chris and I went and saw a play called “2 Pianos 4 hands” at the Glenn Street theatre in Belrose Sydney. It is a comedy about two men who since boyhood had both dreamed of becoming famous classical pianists. One line that really stuck in my mind was when recollecting piano practice in his youth one of them said:

“he felt guilty if he didn’t practice and inadequate if he did”

As piano practice is critical to becoming a great pianist, he evidently pushed through the obstacles, got on top of his practice and became a great musician. I imagine his desire to be a great pianist along with the fact that his best friend also wanted to achieve the same goal were critical to his success.

I can relate to that when it comes to being a Dad. I am sure all Dad’s want to be great Dads but the challenges and pressures of work and other life commitments can make it hard to “practice” being a great Dad. Over time I have seen some Dad’s invest too little in their families to the point where they feel distant and inadequate when they do catch up with their kids particularly in teenage years.

A few things I have found to be effective.

Do life together

Involve your kids in what you do, fixing things around the house, washing the car, going to hardware store. Having a “date” with your kids, doing school projects together, doing active stuff – I like to run and my girls have both done a half marathon with me which made me so proud and made me realise the power of including our kids in what we do. If you have teenage children you might find it is difficult to spend time based on their reactions and behaviours but don’t give up, they really need you to be involved in their life! Organise fun stuff with other families, we have been camping every year with a bunch of other families which our girls have loved as a family, we only started snow skiing when the girls where in their early teens and now we go every year with good friends and their children. Take them to church conferences, let them see how you interact with people, it will give them confidence in developing people skills.

Believe in your children

Include your children in lots of activities, let them try new things and give them many opportunities to learn without jumping in too quickly with correction or criticism. Give them plenty of encouragement and make it fun, speak words of encouragement and build them up by telling them when you see great qualities in them. Your children will reflect back what they get from you. Fathers who believe in their children have learned to believe in themselves.

Love your wife

Children draw security from knowing mum and dad have a strong relationship. You are the main role model for your children, and your relationship with your wife is the model they draw on in understanding relationships. Make your wife a priority, don’t let your relationship fade into the background because of the kids, be a good listener, establish a united front as parents, don’t let your kids play you off against your wife, be openly affectionate with your wife, concentrate on being kind more often and being right less often. If you are divorced, work to create an atmosphere of respect, cooperation and kindness with your ex-wife.

Love God

My girls tell me how secure it makes them feel knowing that I love them, that I love their mum and that I love God. Going back to the play, in “practicing” Christianity, we can slip into facing the same obstacles. Guilty of we don’t practice and inadequate if we do. When that happens to me I can always trace the problem to doing things in my own strength and not relying on Jesus. A quick audit on my life will reveal the same old “natural” offenders, getting too busy, tiredness, worry, poor quality prayer, not spending time waiting on God etc – in short a reliance on my natural abilities rather than the power and presence of God. So when I feel distant from God its the tried and proven stuff that I reignite – spending time talking with God, meditating on the Word of God, praying with close friends, thanking and worshipping God – these things realign my motivations and renew my thinking so that rather than falling into the trap of feeling like I have to do the right thing I want to do the right thing.

Cheers, Geoff

I hope you have enjoyed reading Geoff’s thoughts. I’ve attached a few photos, one being when Geoff went Sky-diving with Eloise last weekend for her 19th birthday present. I watched from the safety of the ground, and I’m sure Ruby would have gone if her jaw wasn’t wired together, but that’s another story.

Have a wonderful Father’s Day to all you magnificent dads.

Love Chris x ♥

Chris

Flint & Steel Bush Walk

The mid-year holidays are here! Even though the girls are finished school they are still on holidays from Uni and Tafe – YAY!! We have just returned from 4 days at Gerroa. This is our third visit staying in the same house. Gerroa (right next to Gerringong) is only just over 2 hours from Sydney and so relaxing. Beautiful Berry is only 15 minutes drive, so we went there every day for great food and coffee. Sorry, I digress….now back to this post.

Are you looking for something fun to do? And not too exerting for little ones? This is a great walk for all the family and is very picturesque.

The Flint and Steel track is located in the Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park off West Head Road. Take McCarrs Creek Road (either from Mona Vale or Terrey Hills) and turn off onto West Head Road (it is well signposted). If the attendant is there it will cost $11 to enter the park, ask for a map of the walks of the area. As you drive along West Head Road, please be mindful of those pesky cyclists (yes, I’m one of them). I ride from Bayview to West Head twice a month – if you see me, beep and wave – I’m the one at the back of the pack. Our team is called “Team Havachat” – I don’t know why!!

The walk is on the left-hand side of the road and again is well signposted.

The walk is about 2kms return trip. I reckon it takes about 45 minutes to walk down to the beach and a little longer on the up-hill journey back. When you arrive at the beach it is just breath-taking. There are views over Broken Bay encompassing Lion Island and Patonga Beach. You can rest here a while as the children will love frolicking (don’t you love that word) around the rock pools.

When you return to your car I implore you to drive the few kilometres to the West Head lookout (yep I ride up that hill – very slowly) again breathtaking, with views over Palm Beach and Barrenjoey Headland and north to the Central Coast. Also at the picnic area which is 1km back towards Flint and Steel (where you will find toilets) they have gas BBQ’s, so why not pack some sausages and have a picnic. The whole area is one of my favourite places, whether walking, cycling or cruising past on the beautiful waterways of Pittwater.

Let me know if you do this walk or have any questions.

Enjoy your week.

Love Chris x

Chris

Watching Sunrises

Daylight saving is coming to an end this weekend in NSW. I love daylight saving over the summer, actually I just love summer and all it has to offer. So this Saturday (or Friday) is the perfect time to watch the sun rise as it will be the latest time in the year. Even today’s first light was 6:42am and sunrise was 7:07am. Before you know it we will have accustomed ourselves to the new time and we won’t feel like dragging ourselves out of bed.

We have done it numerous times and you can see by the photos (the first one being 2004) that we have been doing it for years. The kids were usually awake at 6:30am anyway when they were young, so we would grab some blankets, organise the clothes the night before and most times even do a sneaky trip to McDonalds for takeaway pancakes or whatever. We’ve had a few disappointments when it has been overcast or raining, so have just stayed home and had breakfast in bed (again something special). We are lucky to live close to the beach so we’ve seen some magnificent sunrises – I think they are best when there is some cloud. I’m sure where you live there is somewhere high enough or with a vista to see the sun rise.

For us it’s always about creating memories and doing something “out of the ordinary”. It’s not like we jump out of bed every morning to see the sunrise, but it has created a desire in our girls to appreciate the sunrise. Just last year I woke and was checking out my Instagram and came across a fantastic sunrise – to my delight and surprise it was one of the girls. She had woken early and peaked out the window and the sky was bright pink, that was enough for her to jump in the car to go and watch the sun come up over the ocean. She said she didn’t want to disturb us – I don’t have a problem with that and I continued to snuggle in bed (that’s a good reason to follow your kids on social media – it allows you to keep track of them haha).

I’ve included a photo of a sunrise at Gerroa on the South Coast – one our favourite places. This was taken in July – the air is so crisp and clear in winter.

So if you decide to head out at 6:30am or even earlier to catch the last snippets of summer please let me know. Your kids will love it just for the pure adventure and eating breakfast outdoors (even if it is McDonalds – go on twist their arms, I’m sure you could convince them have to have McDonalds for breakfast).

Enjoy the Easter break and the school holidays.

Love Chris ♥

Chris

Back to School

Hi everyone

I trust you all had a fabulous Christmas and summer holidays. This time of year seems to go by so fast – I love summer and catching up with family and friends. I haven’t posted for ages, my computer is on the blink and I’m using an old, old one (and I can’t upload photos).

After 15 years of school life, this is the first year that we don’t have a child attending school. Weird, but looking forward to our girls’ next stage in their endeavours.

We had a few traditions that we always did around this time.

We would either go out to dinner (cheap and cheerful restaurant) or have a special dinner at home around their first day of starting a new school year. We would then write down our dreams and goals for the year. They are really fun to look back on. Mine were and still are the same – tidy the home and lose weight. Geoff’s are also pretty similar each year haha – be organised and time management. The girls are so cute as their dreams definately and understandably changed from 2000 to 2014. Eg. take singing lessons, go to Jamberoo, practice more tennis and become really good, get braces off, learn to water ski, help dad build a flying fox in backyard, save for a Barbie caravan, go well in school. This lists go on.
One time Geoff also asked “If you could go back in time and tell yourself one thing before you started high school, what would it be?” Here are two answers: Learn to love to learn and to live out what I learn. And – Don’t take school too seriously (obviously before the HSC year). I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading them as I’ve prepared this post and it’s interesting to see how they have changed their dreams/goals. We sticky taped the “bits of paper” in a book to keep track of them.
When we met the teacher or had teacher/parent interviews we would focus on people skills – eg. that our girls would have empathy, that they would look an adult in the eye when communicating and be inclusive with others, which was more important than academic results (although they are as well). We also asked “What can we do to make your life easier” or “How can we help you this year”.
Take photos – not only of the first day of the school year, but the first day of the school term. Great to have both summer, winter and sports uniforms in photos.
If you have a niece or nephew or a close family friend’s child starting school, send them a card wishing them well as they start this great big adventure.
When I drove the girls to school for the first day back I would tell them this was one of the saddest days of the year for me as I wouldn’t be hanging out with them all day (and I do love holidays). I tried not to make it too negative and would then say how great their school was and what lovely friends they had etc.

I hope you all have a marvellous week. I would love to know if you have a child starting kindergarten (what a big day for all the family) or indeed in our case University. Until next time, enjoy!

Love Chris xx

Chris

Sunset Picnics

This is a great time of year to pack a picnic dinner and go somewhere to watch the sunset. It doesn’t necessarily have to be over the busy holiday season when most dads are on holidays, we have often gone after Geoff’s come home from work. Nice way for a dad to relax after a busy day. Our favourite spot is the Pittwater side of Palm Beach. There are gas BBQ’s ready to go. Another great place on the Northern Beaches is Narrabeen Lake, we’ve seen some beautiful sunsets there.

Here is all you need to take to make it easy (OK, the list looks pretty long but it’s worth it, I promise):

Bread rolls
Pre-made hamburger meat patties from supermarket (or you can make your own)
Tomato/BBQ sauce
Tomatoes (already sliced)
Lettuce
Cheese slices (pop them on the cooked side of the pattie and they just melt)
Serviettes
Disposable plates
Tongs
Paper towels
Oil to wipe down BBQ
Drinks – nice bottle of wine for us and I even take wine glasses wrapped in a tea towel (no plastic glasses here thank you)
Picnic rug – just in case the seats are taken

You only need to get there at around 6pm. I’ve included a photo from years ago. We will definitely be doing it again sometime this summer. I’m always writing about the family and this is a great way to spend quality time together. There is something special about a sunset and cooking outdoors.

Let me know of some other places that I can include as well.

Enjoy summer – I’m already loving it. We even went for a swim on Christmas Day, before our family lunch with 15 of us. So much fun!!

Love Chris ♥

Chris

A Few Little Christmas Traditions

Oh my only a week to go until Christmas. Yah I love this time of year.

We have a couple of family Christmas traditions which I would like to share.

Videoing the Decorating of the Tree:

I would put Bing Crosby on…..starting with my favourite song – the Little Drummer Boy and video away as we would decorate the tree. I’d always start crying whenever I would start videoing remembering the fun times. It really is embarrassing videoing something while you are sniffling and carrying on like a baby behind the camera. Happens a lot!

Putting out the pillow slip:

This is one of my favourite memories from childhood which I’ve continued with our children. We always put out a pillow slip. In the days when we thought Santa was real, the joy of waking in the morning, realising it was Christmas and then the excitement of looking at the end of the bed and seeing a little sack full of goodies. We were allowed to quietly open this bag when we were kids, even if it was 4am, and then fall back to sleep until daylight and then we would hit the big time presents under the tree (only with everyone present).

Our girls have been doing it forever, but this year I thought that the girls would be too old for this tradition to continue – no way, we’re not too old, they said. Even if there are only a few things in the bag, they are still keen to continue (and why wouldn’t they you might say, when there are presents involved).

Here’s a few suggestions: Nail polish, favourite chocolate, eyelash tint gift card, pedicure gift card, Sudoku puzzles, favourite magazine, nice soap, hand cream for handbag, pretty writing paper, pretty note books, Christmas gold chocolate coins, special tea cup, a gift card from dad or mum for one 15 minute shoulder/neck massage, those lollies that they have been pestering you for all year (ours was always Jelly Beans from the Chemist – and yes I’ve put them in this year). Ofcourse these are heavily biased for girls, I have trouble knowing what presents to buy my gorgeous nephews.

Christmas Tree Decorations:

Each year I bought the girls (they would choose) a Christmas tree decoration. The idea is that when they leave home they would take them for their own tree to bring back memories. One of the girls reckons she probably wouldn’t use them as tastes change, but I so know they will be used somewhere – or else she will put them out whenever I visit (like the unwanted present hahaha).

Christmas Cards:

If your kids are old enough to be babysitting, why not send the children they babysit a Christmas card. Just for them and addressed just to them.

That’s all I can think of at the moment. If you have any traditions you would like to share I would love to hear from you. And I would love to share them.

I’ll be back before Christmas but until then have a wonderful week.

Love Chris ♥

Chris

Sibling Friendship

We often hear about ‘Sibling Rivalry’ but what about ‘Sibling Friendship’! How do you help or encourage your children to like each other and to become great friends as adults?

I have been asked this question numerous times. I can honestly say our daughters are best friends. They still argue (mostly over clothes), get cranky with each other, sometimes drive each other crazy but they are each other’s biggest supporter. This was reflected today. Ruby is making a film clip (my words) or as they say a music video, of one of her songs. Eloise was one of Ruby’s support people (along with some other gorgeous ones) so this morning Eloise was up at 5:30am, made her breakfast and left at 6:15 to do a coffee run for the others. Now that’s sisterly love. And what I love about our girls’ relationship is that if the roles were reversed Ruby would be supporting her sister in exactly the same way.

So how did this come about…………simple!!

I brainwashed my children from an early age.

This probably is not the right way of doing things and I have absolutely no training in raising children, but it seems to have worked for me.

How did I go about this?

Well it helped that my sister (and brother) are my great friends. So I demonstrated the love for a sibling by saying things like:

Oh great Louise (my sister) is coming over today. I’m so excited. I love her so much.

I can’t wait to see her. She’s my best friend.

This was when they were under 5 so in their little minds, if you had a sister she must be your best friend. (It also helps that my sister is one of the nicest people I know, so it was never hard loving and caring for her when we were growing up).

Or as they were growing up I’d say things like:

She is your best friend. Oh she loves you so much.

I always made sure if one was away I would speak well of her in her absence. And I’d say “I wonder what she is doing, I bet she is missing you”.

It’s about making sure they are valued and not ever being compared to each other, but highlighting their individual gifts and strengths.

Our children did a lot of fun stuff and activities together. They used to arrange concerts with the other kids in the street, we often went on bike rides, picnics and bush walks. They spent a great deal of time with each other and as a family unit.

I always made them realise if they were being unfair to each, and tried not to side in arguments.

So I suppose it’s a lot of little things or bits and pieces along the way that helps establish a loving bond between siblings.

My brother and sister are still my close friends and we agree whenever we get together with my mum, her partner and all the cousins it is one of our favourite things to do. It just works. Sometimes you can find just the three of us sitting and having a good old laugh – we seem to have the same sense of humour and laugh at things no one else would. That’s sibling friendship!

And when Eloise was going to the Philippines when she was 16 with school for a mission’s trip, Ruby insisted on coming to the airport to say goodbye, even though that meant getting up at 6am after her school formal. That’s sibling friendship!

Let me know your experiences of encouraging your children to get along. Have a lovely weekend.

Love Chris ♥

Walking her little sister into the airport

Chris

Another Time to Enjoy

I thought I’d continue on the same topic as last time – to enjoy every stage that your children are in. So again I asked some friends who have children who are now young adults what they LOVE about their children being this age.

When my children were younger I remember saying to a good friend who had adult kids how sad that I was at the thought of them growing up. I remember her saying that she had so much fun with her adult children and not to worry. Well my children are now 18 and 21 and I really do have so much fun with them, they make me laugh and I enjoy their company so much. They make me feel young. Louise (my sister).
I love doing life with them (usually, haha). Their friendship and companionship, their sense of humour, watching them blossom, grow and mature – though sometimes learning the hard way. Sharing their highs and lows (cause that’s life) but thankful they share them with me and we come through it stronger and richer and a whole lot wiser. And now watching them choose a life partner and welcoming others into our world is awesome. Kerrie
I love the laughter and banter of the dinner table conversation, on the rare occasions all five of us are home for the evening meal. I love that my children now encourage me. I love seeing them be so different and yet succeed in who they are and what they have chosen to do. Jane G.
I love the fact that my 19 year old has just returned from travelling overseas and was able to navigate around Europe with confidence. While there she was able to spend time visiting her grandparents and loving that special time. You often don’t want to let them go, but you’ve encouraged them to be independent and that’s exactly what they become. I’m so proud of her and love having her home. I also they fact they can drive you to the occasional Friday lunch with the ladies and pick you up! Jane H.
I love that as young adults they are closer to moving out of home (fabulous mum of 3 young men haha). Julie C.
I love having adult conversations with them and watching them make their own decisions. You see the fruit of your efforts and the time you spent with them over the years. Geoff (yep thought I’d bring a bloke into the mix)

As for me, I love just hanging out with our girls. The four of us went out for dinner last week and one of the girls said that she loved hanging out with the family, as she could totally be herself and be really relaxed – we all agreed. I love doing sporty things with them. A couple of years ago, we all did the local Fun Run from Dee Why to Newport together. Ofcourse I finished way behind them. I felt so proud – when I was about to cross the finish line with my whole body feeling like it was going to fall apart, there were the girls yelling “Come on Mum, you can do it” and cheering. How many times did I stand by the finish line of their cross country runs over the years, cheering them on and encouraging them. Ruby and Geoff have already done a half marathon together and Geoff and Eloise are doing one this month. I’m not!

They continue to teach me things and inspire me to be a better person, as I watch them enter adulthood and how they face different challenges. I love the fact that they can drive. Geoff and I sit in the back – it’s kind of weird letting them drive you around. I love that they can cook – yah and make me poached eggs for breakfast – often. Oh and I love the fact that Saturday sport days are over, selfish I know but who really enjoys getting up at 7am on a cold winter’s morning for Nettas haha.

I love this stage of our family’s life, just like I’ve loved every stage and I’m sure you will agree with me. Have a wonderful weekend.

Love Chris x