A Time to Enjoy

Three things happened this week to make me ponder.  Firstly, Eloise completed her HSC exams – no more children at school (some might think that would me happy, but it doesn’t).  Secondly, a lovely photo my friend Sim put on Instagram of the last school photo of her children together in primary school – with the comment “that went way too fast”.  Thirdly, when I was grocery shopping with Eloise (certainly not a common occurrence), I spoke to a lady in the queue and she said her sons were now 28 and 30, living in London and not likely to return to Australia to live.  She gets sad when she sees mums with their young adult children and makes her miss her boys even more (isn’t that sad?).

So the thought for the day – enjoy every stage that your children are in.   I tried to do this when they were little, never wishing time away.  I find that I’m not doing that so much now – as I foolishly keep saying “Oh I can’t wait until you get married and have children, so I can be a Nanna”.  How selfish is that.  Stop, I tell myself, enjoy the days now!

I  can’t remember the number of times when they were little I heard the words “enjoy the years while they are young”.  I thought I’d never say that to young mums……..Well forget that – I say those same words all the time to young parents.

So with this in mind – I asked some of my friends who have teenagers or young adult children to let me know what they miss about their children being little.  I received some beautiful, heartfelt, honest comments which I’d like to share.

  • I miss their nearness and presence, having them with me most of the time.  Sharing love, laughter and creating memories together.  x Kerrie
  • All the ‘firsts’ and the delight that ensues – such as: food finding their mouths “all by themselves”, when the training wheels come off.  Also that smile when they wake up, fat knees and dimples in knuckles, the joy when daddy comes home, the look on their face when you encourage them “you can do it!”.  The feeling they give you that you are their entire world.  Their little giggling voice.  I could write for days! x Tracey
  • The squishiness of them. The fact they used my body like a climbing gym, the adorable innocence, the cute comments they made, their earnestness about nothing remotely important, the fact they felt like gorgeous little sacks of flour.  They hadn’t yet forgotten that sense of wonder and awe, like the way they gazed with saucer eyes at my magical stories….and I could go on….. x Margie
  • I miss the sound of giggling when they awoke to a new day (usually very early in the morning).  When both boys were still sleeping in their cots, we would often go in the morning to find them laughing.  It was such a beautiful sound.  I miss being able  to take them for a walk in the pram up to the shops (I walk our dog to the shops now!). I miss seeing the look on their faces when Dad would get home from work, and the way our eldest boy would pounce on him and say,” Dad!  Quick come here I have to show you this right now!”  I miss the enthusiastic willingness to help.  I miss them coming in to bed with us in the morning.  Even though I remember they were extremely wriggly and would NEVER lie still.  I miss my youngest boy’s constant smiling face.  When he was about 6 months old he just smiled all day – he was content and very peaceful.   I miss the hugs and kisses and the “I love you mummy” moments.  I miss all the toys that went to bed with them each night – one had “puppy” and his blankie, the other had his soccer pillow and when he was two years old went to bed with 3 dummies – one in his mouth, and one in each hand. x Sandy
  • The sense and wonder in every day and every activity.  Bedtime prayers, cuddles and the stroking of cherub faces.  Little arms that wrap around my neck as a little voice whispers, “I love you mummy.  You’re the best mummy in the whole world”.  Batman, Superman and teddy bear tea parties.  Silly songs and make-believe games.  Early morning family cuddles in bed.  School photos where the photographer combs my child’s hair in a way that makes them look strange and somehow not mine, but I buy it anyway.  Artwork and handmade gifts that mean so much more than anything expensive I would ever buy.  That’s off the top of my head – sorry if you just wanted one thing! x Monica
  • Watching them have fun in the bath together, putting bubbles on their faces pretending to be santa.  Wrapping the towel around them and giving them a cuddle.  Just having them around! x Jane

And for me – wow I think all of the above.  I cried when I read what my friends sent me.  I really do miss when I used to pick them up and their little head nestled in the crook of my neck and their legs wrapped around my waist.  One time one of my kids said – mum you don’t have to cuddle me so much anymore.  I tried to explain it this way – I said “look at that photo of me and you when you were 4.  Now this is how it is……do I look like I’ve change at all compared to you?  No I haven’t changed I’m still that person in the photo and I still need to have cuddles”.  She got the message and I’m pleased to say I get a cuddle whenever I want (I know it drives them crazy but who cares!).

I hope at the end of the day and you are totally worn out – you can reflect on your day and the absolute joy and privilege of being a mum (or dad)!

Have a terrific weekend.

Love Chris ♥

 

 

Believe in Your Children

I recently completed the Clever Cookie blogging eCourse and through this have been introduced to lots of  bloggers – there are certainly some very creative, interesting and talented people out there.  One of the lovely ladies asked me to comment about parenting as a guest on her blog.  Her name is Ellen Jackson and I’d love you to have a look at her blog www.potential.com.au and check out what I have to say now that our girls are young adults.  Also Ellen has some great stuff to read and has put on the link to a video of one of the funniest takes on parenting by a comedian that I’ve ever seen.

There was something that I left out on my thoughts on parenting.  That is BELIEVING in your children.

I believe in my girls.  But there was one particular time when I nearly failed to do this.  When Ruby was 11 she asked if she could have singing lessons.  I immediately thought (but happy to say didn’t voice this opinion) ‘Why would you want singing lessons, you can’t sing!!’  But because we wanted to encourage our kids in all things musical (given that Geoff and I don’t have any musical ability), I said “Darling, of course you can have singing lessons”.  Well you would have every reason to be laughing at me right now – if you know Ruby you would know that she released her first EP in June and also is the voice on the Volkswagen advertisement.  What did I know!!  Also in Year 11 Ruby came home saying she might try for School Captain.  I thought – but you’ve never spoken about that before and I had some doubts (yikes), but I encouraged her to give it a go, she would be a great school captain.  Yep, you guessed it she was a great School Captain.

Same with Eloise, if ever she came home wondering if she should do any activity our response would always be – yes you can do it.  You can do anything.  This wasn’t implied to say they were better than anyone else, we just tried to bring out the best in them.  Eloise is sitting her HSC at the moment – now there is a testing (excuse the pun) time.  I’ve been saying all year, “Honey, do the best you can, we believe in you”.

It covers all areas from learning to play tennis, giving a talk in front of the class, even going to pre-school.  I’d often encourage them when they were little and they felt uneasy about going to pre-school by saying “You are going to have a great day, you are a great friend, I believe in you”.

My mum has always believed in me – still does.  I tried snow skiing quite a few years ago and really struggled.  I told mum how I couldn’t believe how hard it was and I’m so bad at it – she just replied “Darling, you are good at any sport, I can’t believe you are having trouble skiing”.  So last time we were at the snow those words came to mind and I thought “I’m going to do this, even with aching knees and no style whatsoever”.  Another time I met a very prominent and influential person, I said to my mum “Well you wouldn’t believe who I met?” and her response “Well I have no doubt you would meet someone like that darling – you are a very lovely person”.  I can’t tell you how great that made me feel.

So no matter how old your children are I encourage you to let  them know how much you believe in them!

Have a lovely weekend.

Love Chris

Ellen’s Blog:  http://www.potential.com.au

 

Be United

The other night we were all home together at 6pm – not as common these days with life being so full.  I must have been having a Happy Hormone Moment because I felt to tell Geoff how much I loved him, appreciate all that he does for our family and what a great person he is.  I said it in front of the girls.  They didn’t comment but I knew they love hearing this and it reconfirms our strong family and the bond we have together.

That made me reflect yet again (I seem to be doing a lot of reflecting these days) about the importance of being united as a couple.  Below are a few thoughts about being united:

  • It’s important to visibly show your children that you love each other.  We used to kiss in front of them when they were younger (usually to annoy them) and they of course used to gag and say “go away”, but it creates an environment of security.  Also, if they know that Geoff and I are on the same side, they won’t be able to try and get their way with us individually.
  • Be united as parents means discussing with each other what’s going on with your children, sharing issues that might be coming up.
  • Communicate as a family, particularly over the dinner table.  It creates opportunities not just to hear from your children but also from your partner.
  • Sometimes you need to work as a tag team.  We all get tired from parenting, so it’s important to watch out for each other and step in if your partner needs a break.  We used to take turns looking after the girls when we were on holidays, if the other just needed an hour to themselves (to read a book uninterrupted – bliss).
  • Be in agreement on boundaries in the home.  For example – no name calling, listen to each other, mobiles off at the dinner table, be polite to each other.  Being together on this brings consistency to the home which contributes to a calmer atmosphere.

You are not always going to agree with each other.  But learn how to resolve your differences in a peaceful, friendly, mature way.  Ofcourse we argue, like any married couple –  but I’d like to think of it as heated discussions.  I read some of the above in a parenting magazine www.theparentingplace.com

Anyway, I hope this helps in navigating your way through this fun, challenging thing called parenting.

Enjoy your weekend.  If you have a child doing the HSC which starts this Monday, as we do, please wish them well and I hope their mind is clear and they have peace.

Love Chris xx

 

Change – First and Last Day of School

Graduation Day
Graduation Day

Eloise graduated from High School this week – which means our family’s school days are over after 15 years.  Everyone tells me it’s a happy time, so why am I so sad?  After her formal on Friday night, which Geoff and I attended, I cried just about all the way home.  The Year 12 students went off to a party and even though I was really happy to see them all leave on a “party bus” to a friend’s home to celebrate their new found freedom, I was dreadfully miserable.  Get a grip, I told myself.

So I’ve worked it out – for 15 of the last 18 years we always went away the first Sunday of the holidays (that would be today in any other year) to sunny Queensland for our annual holiday.  I’m not sad about her leaving school, I’m sad because I’ve missed out on our family holiday.  So I sit here alone (OK not alone as Geoff is working in the garden), while Eloise has left for study camp for a week and Ruby is heading off to Melbourne tomorrow for a week with some girlfriends.  Bliss, you might say, a week alone in the home (Geoff still is at work).  But again, I’m missing my family holiday.  So really it’s not about the change or transition of my children from school student to young adult, it’s about the fact that the long tradition of family holidays at this time of year has ceased.  My mum always says how she used to love going on our family holidays and misses those days.  Why? I used to think – we all piled into Uncle John’s car (7 of us), no seat belts and headed to Queensland – 14 hours of non-stop chatter between my mum and Nanna.  BUT the memories and fun of those days are some of my favourites.

So I’m missing the chance to be with Geoff and the girls and family time.  Even though it takes effort to pack, especially when you do it all for the children, getting in the car and taking off – it is well worth it.  I actually use to wake the girls with the song “We’re all going on a Summer Holiday” by Cliff Richard played very loudly, this was the holiday alarm clock.  Wherever you are in your family’s journey, please take time to go on holidays.  You won’t regret the time, money and effort.

Happy Holidays in 2005
Happy Holidays in 2005

Enjoy the school holidays.

Love Chris xx

You’re Special

img419

I read the following the other day and thought I’d love to share it.  Well, Geoff is watching Friday night football and getting very excited, the girls are out, so perfect time for me to be at the computer.  I won’t even tell you who Geoff is barracking for……..actually I will and it’s not Manly.  How can he even think that’s OK when you live on the Northern Beaches.  Oh my goodness, he has just popped in tell me excitedly how HIS team has just scored!!

I hope you enjoy the article, it’s not only for you, but something to remind your children (or someone special) about.

You’re special.  In all the world there’s nobody like you.

Since the beginning of time there has never been another person like you.

Nobody has your smile, nobody has your eyes, your nose, your hair, your hands, your voice.

You’re special.  No one can be found who has your handwriting.

Nobody anywhere has your tastes for food, clothing, music or art.

No one sees things just as you do.

In all of time there’s been no one who laughs like you, no one who cries like you, and what makes you cry or laugh will never produce identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.

You’re the only one in all of creation who has your set of abilities.

Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things you’re good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of your combination of talents,ideas, abilities and feelings.  Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together.  You’re a symphony.

Through all eternity, no one will ever look, talk, walk, think or do like you.

You’re special…you’re rare.  And in all rarity there is great value.  Because of your great value you need not attempt to imitate others….you will accept – yes, celebrate your differences.

You’re special and you must realise that you have something that no one else can do as well as you.  Out of the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination of what it takes.

That one is you, because…..you’re special.

 

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as me, especially when you are feeling a little down and maybe not so special.  I think we all need to learn to love ourselves and appreciate that we are unique.

Have a fantastic weekend.

Love Chris xx

Father’s Day

 

I’m away on Father’s Day…that’s never happened before and it’s been 3 years since I’ve been away from Geoff and the girls at the same time. Oh well, skiing with my girlfriends  beckoned. I know that Geoff will be looked after in a loving and caring way. When the girls found out I wouldn’t be here, they immediately went into planning the day mode – I think it is a wonderful opportunity for them to “take-over” the home, the kitchen and hopefully the cleaning up.

I’ve asked them to let me know what makes their father a good dad.  This is what they said.

Dad is always willing to hangout and have a chat.  He encourages me in all my ideas and dreams even if they seem a bit crazy.  Dad is always generous in time, money, encouragement and wisdom.  He is always excited to see us when he gets home from work – he may have had the worst day, but he is still happy to see us.  He is generous and loving.  I love how close we are and that I can tell him anything and he has great advice. He is hilarious, easy going – the best dad and friend.

That sums up their dad!

I didn’t have a dad around, as he  became unwell when I was 10.  So I don’t have a great deal of experience with having a dad or, as it happens, being a dad.  The closest thing I have is watching Geoff with our children.   You don’t have to be perfect or brilliant to give your children a great start.  There is room for imperfections and mistakes, but your children will know if you think they are special. I read the following in a magazine, which I hope you enjoy reading and sharing with the man in your life, who has the extraordinary role of being a dad.

Tips for Dads:

  • Stay Calm – Try to take something positive out of every new experience your kids introduce you to.
  • Be silly once a day – If it’s not your job description to have fun with your children, then it’s time to rewrite it!
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously – character matters more than reputation, you might lose face occasionally, but modelling character means being willing to apologise, being honest about mistakes, forgiving other people for their mistakes, and moving on.
  • Honour their mother – This teaches your children an important lesson in life about respect.  Presenting a united front on boundaries, discipline and priorities will make your children feel more secure.
  • Celebrate their differences – Each of your children is different – try to spend time with them individually, and don’t compare them with each other.  Each child is unique.

Happy Father’s Day to the dads of the world.  What a special place you have in your children’s lives.  Have a wonderful, fun-filled day.  I’m smiling just thinking about how special it must be to be a dad!

Love Chris xx

 

Questions for your Pre-Schooler #2

* What is the best thing that ever happened to you?

* When you are afraid, what do you do?

* Who is the biggest person you know?

* What would you do if our house caught on fire while you were in it?

* Where does the sun go at night?

img4081

Perhaps you could get someone to video the answers or write them down. I’d love to know some of the answers your little ones give.

Enjoy your week.

Love Chris xx

Questions for your School Kids #2

Just adding on to the ones from last month:

* What is your favourite time of day?

* If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why there?
This is also a great question to ask your spouse. I’m thinking Yosemite National Park or Canada.

* If I gave you $10 today, what would you do with it?

* In all the things you’ve had to forgive people of, what has been the toughest thing to forgive? Why?

img4071-e1400577384709

I’m thinking about some of these questions in my own life. Try and record their answers somehow. If you have a chance, let me know some of their responses.

Have a wonderful week. Hope all is going well for you now that term 2 is well under way.

Love Chris xx